Young couples, begone!
I’m writing this at 5am, and don’t feel a bit tired. Methinks it’s time to vent a little.
Ah, young love.
Great isn’t it?
Well, how young?
Lately, every time I turn a corner I see some disgusting young couple getting up to their lovey dovey crap in broad daylight. In front of old ladies and priests, probably. And when I say young, I mean feckin’ young! The smell of placenta still rife off them.
When I was a lad we played football with jumpers for goalposts as kids. Gone are those days. Now they’re off kissing and smooching, him sticking his whatsit up her bajingo around the corner from the chipper. Some Fred Perry clad yun’ fella with glasses half the size of his head wearin’ the face off yer wan in her bright orange tracksuit and way too much fake gold jewellery after a shower in cheap perfume.
Jaysus, can’t I go for a walk without needing a puke? In a few years these kids will be the ones trying to intimidate me into buying alcohol for them, I know it. Well I’ve only been an adult in the eyes of the law for two months, and already I don’t like the whippersnappers of today.
And when you turn the corner and accidently interrupt their intimate little loveshack, you get the look. The look that says they’re calling you a selfish prick for being so rude and using the public paths. Well I never.
If they were just holding hands and keeping it PG I’d have no problem, but it’s the whole ‘eating each other’s face off while practically gyrating in my face’ thing that gets to me. Get a room, or a secluded area, or a feckin’ ditch for Christ’s sake, I just don’t want to have to carefully brush past your skinny little pre-teen ass on my way to the shop.
So, young couples. I blame you for ruining my peaceful ramblings around my area. I blame you for all the underage parents. I blame you that the economy is going into recession. I blame you that I can’t sleep tonight and it’s now bright outside. I blame you that my hair is all fluffy because I washed it earlier (actually I’ve quite grown to like it this way, so will rethink this one). I blame you for every misfortune I’ve ever encountered. It’s all your fault.
You are disgusting. You sicken me. You’re not cute or adorable, you are vile. Your relationship won’t last, and will wither and die within a matter of weeks. Then what will you do without your “bbz 4eva xxx”? There is no hope, all is lost.
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July 4th, 2008 at 12:30 am
lol’d when i read this, great rant. Feel like having one of my own at the moment, do you allow guest posts? haha.
Agree with everything you said.
James
Likeaspy.info
July 4th, 2008 at 1:38 am
Thanks for the comment James, I’m glad you enjoyed it. Email sent to you
July 4th, 2008 at 8:53 pm
You get them everywhere - Dry Ridin’ is all the rage these days don’t you know!
Although to be fair, not all young people do it, just the low-slope-browed, mouth breathing, sovereign ring clad, bottom feeders off tomorrow - Today!
Aaron
July 5th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
The level of description on that made my stomach turn….
July 5th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
@Aaron : I really shouldn’t have missed out on the phrase “Dry Ridin’ ” from my post. Kudos for making sure it made its way in there somehow.
@Gareth : Glad to be of service man!
July 6th, 2008 at 1:00 am
Very good and funny post very descriptive ( seems like your paying a lot of attention to these couples ha)
July 6th, 2008 at 5:39 pm
@Ciara : Why thank you! Ha, perhaps a little to much attention, I may try work on that.
July 13th, 2008 at 8:03 am
[...] be material for an entirely separate rant. And let’s not forget the possibility of meeting a young couple on the [...]
July 16th, 2008 at 11:22 am
some one is a bit jealous….lol
July 16th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
Isabelle : Ha, I’m surprised it took this long for someone to suggest that! Thanks for the comment
July 16th, 2008 at 5:12 pm
havent seen you on the nitelink anymore…hahaha