Y'alright?

Those HB Ads

I hate them. They’re trying to appeal to our liking of nostalgia and they’re failing.

“REMEMBER WHEN A CHOCOLATE MOUSTACHE MADE YOU LOOK COOL?”

There was never ever a time, in any place, for any person, at any age, where a chocolate moustache was cool. Also, chocolate moustaches don’t really exist do they?

Perhaps a chocolate milk moustache, but not a chocolate moustache. You only ever get crappy flicks of chocolate at the corners of your mouth.

My suggestion for their slogan?

“REMEMBER WHEN OUR ICE CREAMS WEREN’T SO SHIT AND OVERPRICED?”

Back in the day you’d get a Feast or a Loop the Loop for 30-40p. And they were fucking good. Last time I had a loop the loop the chocolate was far too thin for my liking. It was difficult to eat it in my desired way (biting all the chocolate off first, then lashing into the yellow-green goodness). And I vowed, never again.

It’s Calippos from here on in my friends. And if you should be so lucky to find somewhere in Ireland selling the strawberry ones, you are well within your rights to rejoice. I remember getting so excited on holidays because of the different flavours of ice creams over there.

Always remember kids, when you’re eating a Calippo and you can’t push the ice cream up enough, as it’s too frozen, the trick is to bite the bottom. Bite it like a motherfucker and enjoy that Calippo.

S’later.

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Posted on 25 April '09 by Mark, under For The Lolz, Life etc..

4 Comments to “Those HB Ads”

#1 Posted by Sweary (27.04.09 at 15:26 )

Lies and slander.

The thinness of the “chocolate” on the LoopTheLoop is the whole point!

Wibblywobblywonders have gone seriously downhill, though. As have the chocolate bits in the middle of Feasts. Sure there’s barely a blim in it now!

#2 Posted by Joseph (29.04.09 at 22:40 )

I have a few comments to make regarding Calippos.

1. The lemon ones were the best, they can’t be found anywhere. Anywhere.

2. Since when was there Ice Cream in a Calippo? It’s an ice-pop, or an ice-lolly (if you’re that way inclined)

3. Biting the bottom leads to tearing of the packaging, then it’s ruined. You have to find a tissue or summat.

I have to ask, are you really qualified to talk about this Mark? You seem to know jack shit when it comes the subject.

Sad, little man.

#3 Posted by Mark (02.05.09 at 15:59 )

Sweary : I prefer a thicker bit of chocolate. Maybe I’m too used to Magnums though. Yeah, I worked in a shop at the time when they brought WibblyWobblyWonders back. We were so excited and then bitterly disappointed.

Joseph : You are having a laugh son.

1. Nobody prefers lemon to strawberry. You clearly just prefer lemon as it reminds you of the piss-licking you so love.

2. Fair enough, you could argue that, but it’s a shitty point to pick up on. It was just easier to say ice-cream. You get them from an ice-cream fridge anyway. I know from my Spar days.

3. Shot yourself in the foot here mate - showing how much of an amateur you are. True connoisseurs can bite the bottom with no problems. You bite once to get the ice-POP unstuck. You don’t gnaw on it like a little rat. That’s probably where you went wrong son.

#4 Posted by Tim (07.05.09 at 00:55 )

“foolishjoe” is a suitable name alright