The McBus

On Monday I was waiting for a bus longer than I think I’ve ever had to wait. And I was already running a bit late - typical.

Anyway, I was the first person at the bus stop. The bus stop I was waiting at is directly across from a McDonald’s. After about two minutes, someone else joined me at the bus stop, she’d left McDonald’s, presumably after a nice, wholesome, nutritious breakfast.

After about ten or twelve minutes, there were four of us waiting. I was getting increasingly irritated at the bus taking so long. It never takes that long. I have a tutorial for Christ’s sake!

Fifteen minutes. Seriously, what’s the story here?

Twenty minutes, you’re having a laugh mate. Dublin fucking bus, you are having a laugh.

After this length of time I start to worry.  Maybe the bus isn’t running today, or it’s on a different route. Nah, can’t be, there’s other people here too. But I was the first person here, they’re following my lead. I’m taking them down this wayward path. Nah, fuck it, it’s just late.

The McDonald’s woman then tempted fate. She did something everyone knows you can’t do. She went to do something else while waiting for the bus and hoped to get back by the time the bus came.

She’d been waiting twenty minutes for the bus to come, but decided, fuck it, and went across into McDonald’s again!

Oh no sister, you did not just do that.

A smile crept onto my face, as I knew, as did everyone at the bus stop, that as soon as she got in those McDonald’s doors, the bus was going to come. There was no chance that she’d get back out on time. Not a fucking chance.

The bus came around the corner, McBitch was still getting her food, no sign of her. We got on the bus, and it drove off. I wish I could have gone back just to see her face when she got out again and saw the bus stop deserted.

Normally I don’t revel in the misfortune of others, but she really deserved to miss that bus. You don’t go anywhere after waiting that long for a bus. You especially don’t go into disgusting McDonald’s, when you were already in there twenty minutes ago. It’s like a smoker lighting up a cigarette while waiting for a bus - you’re not going to get to finish it mate.

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