Sunday Round-Up #17

My abstract distraction this week is :

A bit of culture was injected into my life this week. Well, sorta.

Readers may remember me mentioning a French friend of mine that did helped me with my French homework the other week. This lady had a party at the weekend, and only four people there weren’t French.

I loved this. There really was quite a different atmosphere than you get at regular parties here. There was nobody getting sick on themselves in the corner, nobody robbing possessions or throwing things, it was all very civilised. There was crêpes and fajitas, along with regular party sweets etc.

I was pleased to see one of the French guys drinking Guinness. People tend to make fun of me for drinking Guinness, an “old man’s drink”, but clearly it’s just the drink of sophisticated gentlemen.

I even got to impress by throwing out the few French phrases I know :

Il y a beaucoup de circulation, surtout aux heures de point - There is a lot of traffic, especially during rush hours.

Le SIDA est trés mal - AIDS is very bad.

Tu n’est pad un putain - You are not a whore

Pamplemousse - Grapefruit

Pantalon - Trousers

I’m practically fluent.

Something that made me laugh this week :

Jokes with serious punchlines. Pretty self explanatory, here’s some of my favourites :

Man:   Doctor, I’ve broken my leg.
Doctor:   I’m afraid it is a very bad break. You will never walk again.

There’s an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman. They are all trapped in a jail cell.
Eventually they all starved to death.

A man walks into a pub.
He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family.

Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge?
She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly low self-esteem.

Why do undertakers wear ties?
Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.

Two men are sitting in a pub.
One man turns to the other and says: “Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your wife’s house.”
The other man replies: “Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her drug habit.”

Man: What a beautiful dog. Does he bite?
Dog-owner: No.
Man: Can I pet him?
Dog-owner: No, he has a form of eczema that makes him skin weep if touched.

How can you tell when an Essex girl wants sex?
She displays signs of arousal, such as enlargement of the clitoris and swelling of the labia.

A priest and a rabbi are sitting next to each other on a plane.
However, it is a short flight and they do not talk to each other.

Why are there no painkillers in the jungle?
Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest.

What do you get when you cross a kangaroo and a sheep?
This experiment has never yet been undertaken successfully.

A horse walks into a bar, the barman says ‘why the long face?’
The horse replies…
*Sigh* ‘The axel broke on the carriage which meant a two hour delay to get to farmer Giles’s house and then it rained all the way home and the corn was ruined. Honestly, it’s one thing after another…’

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman walked into a bar.
The barman said “is this some kind of joke?”
The Irishman replied, “Aah, I see that you are racially stereotyping us, and you assume that my English friend is going to start some hilarious jape which I will later turn out to be the butt of. Sorry to disappoint you old chap but we are merely friends from different parts of the British Isles who meet up once a month and go out for a couple of drinks and some lunch.”

What do you call a man with a spade in his head?
You call him an ambulance. He may have fractured his skull.

What’s the difference between a rottwieller and a poodle?
There are many differences. They are two totally different breeds of dog.

Curses on :

Things changing since my day.

I got out of school in time.

The other day when coming home on the bus, we went by a local school yard. A class was doing P.E.

What they doing? Only riding feckin’ bikes.

This was always a fear of mine in school because (get ready for the bombshell)…

I never learned to ride a bike without stabilisers. As a kid I always went on my bike. Then when I got to the age where you usually take the stabilisers off, I just, well, stopped going on my bike. Lost interest.

I remember once going on a school tour to some adventure place, where you do loads of activities. I was desperately trying to find out if there was a bike part, while trying not to seem worried.

So now it’s out there in the world. I can’t ride a bike.

I also a pretty poor swimmer, but I can hold my own. May as well get all my shame into the blogosphere.

I’m pleased with :

My presentation went quite well last week.

It wasn’t strictly a presentation, but when I got in I was paired with some other lad to present the main ideas of the assigned essays to the group. A bit of waffle and charm and everything was grand.

Sadly I’ve another one tomorrow (hoping I won’t be asked again, but I probably will) and I haven’t started doing the reading yet.

A pointless anecdote from this week :

Is this not enough for you?

Great guy/gal of this week :

David Mitchell.

Some of you will recognise David as Mark Corrigan from Peep Show. I love this guy.

Not only is he hilarious as an actor in Peep Show, he’s a very funny and intelligent (apparently he has a degree at Oxford) man, always sharp-witted and a very good writer.

This is his article about the whole Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross saga - a very entertaining read.

And check out his rant on a quiz show in the video below.

Ya gotta love him.

David <3

Product/Service I like this week :

This week is going to be a little different - A product/service I don’t like this week.

ESB. Ireland’s electricical supply board. A fucking power cut last night. On a Saturday night!

Such a bad time for the power to go. If you’re having a party or something, you’re fucked. If you’re staying in to watch TV or a movie, you’re fucked. If you’re staying in to study for a fucking presentation the next morning, you’re fucked. I had no choice but to just go to bed.

I woke up this morning with my bedroom light on. For about three seconds I was terribly bemused.

Fuck you, ESB.

A quote :

“ What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.”

-Oscar Wilde.

Oh Oscar, what’d we do without you?

Favourite song this week :

Medals - by Halves

Halves are a Dublin post-rock band.

Similar to the likes or Sigur Ros and Mogwai, I was surprised at just how good they were, considering how little I’ve heard of them.

Good on ye’ lads.

Enjoy.

Now, to read things for college.

I must admit this Sunday post is becoming a bit of a drag to do, I’m considering making it a monthly thing. Any opinions on that would be appreciated.

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