Nothing makes me feel more out of touch with the world than when I listen to rap music.

I used to like rap music actually.

Now I’d probably only listen to Jay-Z. Obviously I sometimes listen to shite like Vanilla Ice for lolz too.

The other day I put on some Kanye West.

I shimmied up to my record player, using my zimmerframe.

Oh yes, that Kanye fellow, perhaps I’ll listen to him to pass the time. That ‘Diamonds’ song. Yes, that’ll be nice. Featuring Shirley Bassey. Oh boy, I sure would love to take her out to a talkie and a glass of ale.

I thought I knew the opening line, so I, for reasons I’ll never know, chose to sing along to myself.

Kanye says “Throw your diamonds in the sky if you feel the vibe”

I said “Put your diamonds in the sky if you feel the vibe”

It’s only one word I got wrong, but it’s a huge difference really, isn’t it?

The difference between forcefully throwing your diamonds into the sky, and gently placing them up on a shelf or something, before going to bed at half nine in the evening.

I’ll never be a rapper, I’ll tell you that right now.

So, I conducted an experiment.

I decided to listen to a popular rap song and see how well I could decipher the lyrics.

What’s the hippest, most radical, groovy rap song that’s dominating the charts lately?

I have no idea, so I just chose “In Da Club” by 50 Cent.

So I went into iTunes and did a search for 50 Cent. Naturally I initially made a mistake and searched for “50 cet” which didn’t yield results. But then I found it. I actually have the album, so I’m deciphering the lyrics of the album version of the song, which is slightly different than the ‘cleaner’ single that was released.

Now, this will only work if you listen to the song and simultaneously read through my version of the lyrics.

I’ve embedded the video below, but just in case that doesn’t work, here is the link.

Some words I simply had to sound out as best I could.

So listen and read.

And hopefully enjoy.

In Da Club – 50 Cent (Walsho version)

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go shorty, it’s your birthday.

We gon’ party like it’s your birthday

We gon’ sip bacardi like it’s your birthday

Andyouknowwedon’tgiveafuck cos that’s your birthday!

You’ll find me in da club, radafuldabup with money, I got X if you’re into takin’ drugs, I’m into havin’ sex, I ain’t into makin’ love, so come on give me a hug if you’re into gettin’ grugged.

You’ll find me in da club, radafuldabupz with money, I got X if you’re into takin’ drugs, I’m into havin’ sex, I ain’t into makin’ love, so come on give me a hug if you’re into gettin’ grugged.

When I pull up out front, see the Benz don’t do it.

When I roll twenty jeep it’s twenty knots in da club.

Niggaz heard I fuck with Dre now they wanna show me love.

When you salek Eminem in the hoes, they wanna fuck.

Homie ain’t nothin’ change, hoe-down, jeez-up, it’s the exhibit in da cuttin’ nigga roll that weed up.

If you’ve got time, move, you mistake me for a playa-pimp.

Been hit with a few shells now I walk with a limp (I’m aaaight).

In da hood and that lady sayin’ “Fifty you hot!”.

They like me, I want ‘em to love me like they love Pop.

But holla in New York niggaz will tell you I’m loco and the plan is to put the rap game in a chokehold.

Forn, fuck this man, mah money on mah mind, got a meal on a deal and I’m still in the grind.

And shorty’s, feeling mah stash and feeling mah ‘flow, and girl fruwitidadie and then ready to go. (ookay!)

You’ll find me in da club, radafuldabup with money, I got X if you’re into takin’ drugs, I’m into havin’ sex, I ain’t into makin’ love, so come on give me a hug if you’re into gettin’ grugged.

You’ll find me in da club, radafuldabupz with money, I got X if you’re into takin’ drugs, I’m into havin’ sex, I ain’t into makin’ love, so come on give me a hug if you’re into gettin’ grugged.

Mah flow, mah show, brought me to go, that bought be all mah fancy things – mah crib, mah cars, mah cools, mah jewels, look nigga I don’ cane more but I ain’t changed.

And you should love it, way more than you hate it, nigga you mad? I thought that you’d be happy I made it.

I’m that cat by the bar toastin’ to the gooood life. You that faggot-ass nigga tryna hold me back, riiight?

Umadonk, indaponpin in da club indasondin with mah eyes and the bitch if she smash igown.

If the roof on fire, let the motherfucker burn, get to talkin’ ’bout money, homie, I ain’t concerned.

I’ma tell you a base to me, cos gon’ heads twist da style up.

Niggaz hate to let ‘em ate, then watch da money pile up.

And we can go upside they head with a bottle of bull.

They know where we fuckin’ be.

You’ll find me in da club, radafuldabup with money, I got X if you’re into takin’ drugs, I’m into havin’ sex, I ain’t into makin’ love, so come on give me a hug if you’re into gettin’ grugged.

You’ll find me in da club, radafuldabupz with money, I got X if you’re into takin’ drugs, I’m into havin’ sex, I ain’t into makin’ love, so come on give me a hug if you’re into gettin’ grugged.

Ha, ha, ha.

Don’t try to act like you don’t know where we be, neither, nigga.

We in da club all the time nigga so prob and pop off, nigga.

G-Unit.

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9 December 2010 ‧ For The Lolz, Life etc. ‧ 4 Comments