I hate them. They’re trying to appeal to our liking of nostalgia and they’re failing.
“REMEMBER WHEN A CHOCOLATE MOUSTACHE MADE YOU LOOK COOL?”
There was never ever a time, in any place, for any person, at any age, where a chocolate moustache was cool. Also, chocolate moustaches don’t really exist do they?
Perhaps a chocolate milk moustache, but not a chocolate moustache. You only ever get crappy flicks of chocolate at the corners of your mouth.
My suggestion for their slogan?
“REMEMBER WHEN OUR ICE CREAMS WEREN’T SO SHIT AND OVERPRICED?”
Back in the day you’d get a Feast or a Loop the Loop for 30-40p. And they were fucking good. Last time I had a loop the loop the chocolate was far too thin for my liking. It was difficult to eat it in my desired way (biting all the chocolate off first, then lashing into the yellow-green goodness). And I vowed, never again.
It’s Calippos from here on in my friends. And if you should be so lucky to find somewhere in Ireland selling the strawberry ones, you are well within your rights to rejoice. I remember getting so excited on holidays because of the different flavours of ice creams over there.
Always remember kids, when you’re eating a Calippo and you can’t push the ice cream up enough, as it’s too frozen, the trick is to bite the bottom. Bite it like a motherfucker and enjoy that Calippo.
Don’t eat meat, and don’t drink alcohol.
The pubs close, but we have a day off work/college. This is a dilemma. So you stock up on beer the day before.
I had a delicious ham sandwich today. And since places are closed (including my college library, where I usually study), there’s nothing to do but start drinking earlier than usual.
Blasphemy never tasted so good.
I’m not doing these things because it’s Good Friday. I’m doing them because I truly believe in multiculturalism and this enforcement on Catholic beliefs on the whole country is a disgrace, and I must protest. And it’s hardly helping the economy, closing everywhere, is it?
Just joking. I just fucking love eating meat and drinking beer. Especially on Fridays when there’s nothing else to do. If they could make an alcoholic beverage that tasted like meat I’d be in heaven.
