Whoever changes the word “litter” on litter bins to “Clitterus”.
It’s genius.
Any old vandal can draw a cock and balls somewhere (admittedly if there is semen emanating from the crown it can be rather impressive), or write “Daz 09″ on a wall. But to change litter into clitterus, an incorrect spelling of the word, is top notch graffiting.
I think it’s so much funnier not only that it’s an incorrect spelling, but also the fact that clitoris is a word rarely used in this sort of thing. It’s like instead of writing “Jacintha is a SLUT” somewhere, writing “Jacintha has irritable bowel syndrome”.
There’s a bin by the bus stop in Palmerstown that has this done, but it’s topped off beautifully with the cheesiest smiley face I’ve ever seen, like this: =]
Here is my rendering of this creation by some latter day Da Vinci.
Bravo.
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A rather unfortunate incident the other day.
There I am, heading into college to do some studying for my exams. The bus came and I sauntered on, and went upstairs to sit down.
I found a free seat, behind some middle aged woman. Threw my school bag onto the seat first, then plonked myself down. I was wearing a zipped up jumper which I then chose to remove, as it was suprisingly hot on the bus. Also, I felt it was only right and proper to show a bit of forearm, for the ladies y’know?
So I lean forward to slip the jumper off, and was like this for a few seconds, shrugging it off. The lady in front of me sort of glanced behind at me, and it was only then I was aware of our proximity, and it seemed as if I was looking in over her shoulder.
No big deal, right?
She was writing in her diary at the time.
For fuck’s sake. What are the odds?
I am a bus diary snooper. Beware.
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I saw that the sign for International Women’s Day was stretched across the Trinity exit arch last Tuesday.
It remained there until Friday.
Nice one girls!
One can only imagine why they fucked this very basic job up.
Did they think the banner was just too pretty to take down?
Were they too busy cooking and cleaning for their men?
Were they just too damn indecisive and in need of a good man to come along and tell them how it’s done?
Were they just plainly too idiotic to realise what a “day” entails?
Too busy dieting?
Too busy keeping up with the latest events of Jade Goody’s life?
Perhaps their poor little bodies couldn’t reach and they couldn’t stand the irony of having to ask a man to help them remove their women’s day banner.
Either way, I think we can all agree that the wimmins do not deserve another designated day for quite a while, yeah?
Come on sweetheart, cook us a steak and grab us a beer, like a good girl.
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Honestly, just piss off.
This recession talk is infiltrating into every little conversation I hear these days. While I understand that it’s important to talk about this, can’t we just have a brief respite? It’s not just on the TV and radio, but everyday conversation. People using it to make jokes - stop it.
For example, if someone were to pick up a ten cent coin off the ground, you’d have some wisearse in like a flash with a hilarious quip :
“Ah sure we’re in recession now, what d’ya expect?”
A shop has a sale on :
“Oh, that’s the recession for ya I suppose.”.
Ohoho, what a witty little comment. God knows what depth of thought and creativity you must have reached to to come up with that little beauty.
It’s not funny, fuck off.
I took a recession shit earlier, and had to wipe my arse with specialised recession paper. Then I went out for a recession with my best recession, we took the recession you see, and it cost twenty feckin’ recessions! That’s the recession for ya I recession.
Every poster is about a new RECESSION BUSTER or CREDIT CRUNCHER. Go away.
And them feckin’ Burger King posters saying HEY MR. COWEN! I mean jesus, what if poor aul’ Brian just wanted to take his kids to Burger King? Even the walls in a fast food restaurant can’t leave him be.
Why don’t we all just stop using the word “recession” when we’re not on the specific discussion topic of economics?
Let’s just all sit back, have an ice-cream, and watch a David Attenborough documentary, yeah?
Let’s have a lie-in, and then spend the whole day watching stuff on Youtube that brings you back to your childhood. Like wrestling, or the theme song to Kenan and Kel.
Let’s have a really long shower then walk around the house in shitty clothes that you daren’t be seen in public in.
Let’s all just have a big cuddle, yeah?
Let’s consider watching a big, serious, proper film like Schindler’s List, then decide, fuck it, and stick on Dumb & Dumber instead.
Let’s find an old Nokia 3210 and see if it works. Then when it does, let’s play Snake. None of the new, fancy, 3D snake, I’m talking the old school snake, before you could even go through the walls.
Let’s have a Wham bar followed by a Roy Of The Rovers.
Let’s buy some whipped cream and squirt it straight into our mouths until we sort of choke on it.
Let’s get drunk and send stupid text messages.
Let’s get drunk and have a singsong.
Let’s get drunk and go down the 24 hour shop and buy a Moro and some jellies.
Let’s just get fucking drunk.
Let’s make a cheesy playlist with Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody, Journey - Don’t Stop Believing, Deep Purple - Smoke On The Water, Sting - Roxanne, Lynyrd Skynyrd - Sweet Home Alabama, Guns ‘n’ Roses - Sweet Child O’ Mine and The Buggles - Video Killed The Radio Star.
Let’s talk about how we all played Pokemon on the Gameboy. And for that matter, Crash motherfucking Bandicoot and his hot sister Coco. Coco > Lisa Simpson by a country mile.
Let’s hit the snooze button one too many times in the morning and have to rush through our morning routine but then make it in on time and then wonder why you always get up so early on other mornings.
Let’s listen to that band we love but haven’t listened to in ages, then remember why we love them so much.
Let’s think about a word for ages until it loses all meaning and just seems weird (case in point, the word “let’s”).
Let’s steal a joke we heard on TV and hope nobody else has heard it and everyone’ll think you’re a comedy genius.
Let’s bemoan that wanker who tells everyone where you stole your joke from.
Let’s bask in the glory of taking a shit that doesn’t need any wiping afterwards.
Let’s just stop talking about the recession all the time. Thanks.
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