Need A Laugh?

This video never fails to crack me up.

At first it seems cruel to laugh at some people struggling to finish a marathon, but this video is just too funny.

From about 1.20 onwards it gets good. The scuttle seen at 1.40 by the woman in pink and yellow is just incredible.

Gotta love that bit at the end : “In the battle, for fourth place“.

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The Greatest News Story In The History Of The World

The Sun and The News of the World have never been considered high quality literature. But now and again they bring up absolute gems. This week I saw possibly the greatest story ever to hit a newspaper. This saga has unfolded before our eyes and it’s actually at the point now where I think it’s some sort of joke.

On Friday, a story was published in The Sun about a 13 year old boy becoming a father. Thirteen years of age. I think I was in first year of secondary school when I was thirteen. Most of us wondered, is that actually possible? Could a boy just entering his teens be physically capable of getting a girl pregnant? Presumably he was twelve at the time of conception. The mother is fifteen years old.

I assumed he was one of those lads that was physically far more developed than his peers. There’s always a couple. The lad whose voice broke before he uttered his first word. Or the lad whose moustache tickled the lining of his mother’s uterus while he was still nestled in there. So I was expecting this fella to be a gruff, hairy looking chap. So let’s look at our big bad Alfie, thirteen year old father and presumably, heart-breaking womanizer, getting into clubs every weekend and all that.

Let’s also look at his mother. A dashing princess no doubt.

Click this link. (The Sun won’t allow me to put the images up here)

The kid looks about 8 years old, honestly. Looking at him, there is no way he could be a dad. The article says he stands at a whopping four feet. When asked what he will do financially, he replied “What’s that?”. You’d expect the mother would be ashamed that the father of her child doesn’t understand the word financially, but no. She found it hilarious. Guffawed she did.

The Sun is either on a massive wind-up, or being taken for a ride.

But then today, this story got so, so much better.

The News Of The World printed a story about Richard, a sixteen year-old lad claiming he was the father of the child, and “I want a DNA test to prove it”. Ooooh.

At first Richard had his hesitations : “She wanted me to be there as a father figure but I didn’t fancy that because I have college early in the morning and I didn’t want to get up in the night to feed the baby.”

I kid you not. Reassuring to know at least that the lad has the support of his mother : “Richard’s mother Barbie-Jayne, 35, backs his story. She has five kids and was a teenager when she gave birth to Richard.”

…Barbie-Jayne?

I wonder how her brothers, Action-Man-John and Stretch-Armstrong-Joe feel about this.

Now, a third idiot boy is claiming he’s the lucky father!

Tyler is this lad’s name. This is what he has to say : “To be honest I didn’t really fancy her. She asked me out a couple of times when she moved down here but I kept turning her down. I thought she was ugly.”

Take a look at Richard and Tyler at this link, which will also verify that everything I’ve quoted here is genuinely taken from the paper. The article says that there’s a whole string of lads that could be the father.

I’m waiting for the story to come out that the baby itself is also due to become a parent.

Overall, this article is unbelievably hilarious, but admittedly very saddening also. All of the involved people are much too young to be parents, and the whole media sensation about them isn’t going to help. This girl is not only having several boys over, but she’s being allowed to do this. At least one of the people involved must have known the risks. Let’s face it, the mother had to know the risks. You don’t get to fifteen without knowing that having sex without contraception can lead to a pregnancy.

It’s lose-lose. Either there’s a shocking ignorance amongst young people and a failure of the education system to teach about sex, or a complete and utter recklessness and selfishness amongst the young people involved. At the end of it all, there’s a new baby there with a fifteen year old mother who doesn’t seem to give a solitary shit, and a number of potential fathers. And a whole lot of mature, responsible couples out there who can’t have children.

So yeah, a depressing story, but the way it’s unfolded is too hilarious to be ignored.

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The Day I Met Pete Doherty

Yesterday was a fun day.

Pete Doherty, my favourite musician, was due to visit my university, Trinity College, at 5pm to give a talk and answer some questions, maybe play a few songs. It was organised by the Phil society. I was very excited to say the least. It was a big deal for me, the one person in the world I’d most want to meet, visiting my university.

At about 2pm I met some friends who were fans of Pete, but not students in the college. Helped them get signed up so they could attend the talk, and then we started queuing. We had to start queuing early, as the room he’d be talking in was quite small, we had to be sure we’d get a good seat.

The queue really started to grow quite quickly, which was surprising since it was freezing outside. There was going to be a lot of people that weren’t going to get in.

I think we were let into the room at around 5.30pm, but were told Pete’s flight was delayed, so he’d be a bit late, but he was on his way. Me and two friends were sitting about four or five rows from the front, by the aisle. Very good seats (the first two rows were for press etc).

Cue nearly two hours of sitting, waiting for his arrival. Just after 7pm he was introduced and walked in, guitar in hand, looking rather well.

He was interviewed at the top of the room by a guy from Hotpress magazine. I don’t really like Hotpress, but the interviewer was pretty good. Then there was questions from the floor. I had my hand up but didn’t get to ask my question, but the girl beside me did, and another friend on the other side of the room did too.

He did a couple of songs too.

When it ended, we went up to try get a signature. I had his book with me, desperate to get it signed. He was rushed out before this could happen, as he was supposed to be doing the Late Late show on RTE soon. He did sign as much as he could though. Two friends of mine got things signed.

So we waited outside, along with a shitload of paparazzi. As he came out, he was surrounded by people, security or whatever, bustling him into a car. I held out the book, thinking there was no chance he’d be able sign it, as he was being literally shoved into the car. But good ol’ Peter, stopped and struggled to sign it, in a situation where he really didn’t have to. I really appreciated that, and don’t imagine many people would have gone to the bother of doing it, when being forced into a car by a ton of people. So fair play to him. Was absolutely delighted to get the book signed. Here’s a picture :

But it doesn’t end there! We went into the Phil room after, got a free beer, and said goodbye to some friends who had to go. Then me and a friend (Robin) decided we’d head to RTE, and try to actually get a chance to talk to Peter after he came out from the Late Late. Robin had to go to meet someone for a drink first though. So off we went, quick pint of Guinness for me, and then we drove to RTE.

We didn’t really know what to do, so just went to reception and asked if there was any chance we could get into the audience for the show. A woman went to check, but there were no spare seats.

I asked if I could use a bathroom, and while the chap seemed reluctant, he showed me the way. As I left the bathroom, I floundered a bit, trying to remember the way I’d come in (anyone who knows me will know I have an awful sense of direction). Then I heard a woman down the other end of the corridor say “Thirty seconds Pete”. I looked down and saw Pete walking the opposite way, obviously towards the stage, complete with his hat and unmistakable swagger. It was pretty cool to see. That was something anyway.

I found my way back to reception, and there we were allowed watch Pete’s interview with Pat Kenny (seemingly we shouldn’t have been allowed do this). There were two other fans there with us, not to mention about four photographers outside the building. Pat Kenny was pretty shit at interviewing Pete. Not a single question about his new album coming out next month, nothing about music, just focusing on the drugs. Pete seemed irritated at this.

I can understand asking a question or two about the drugs, but for fuck’s sake, leave it there, and ask about the music, gigs, albums, whatever! I don’t expect Pat Kenny to have an extensive knowledge of Pete’s music, but surely he’s being paid quite a lot to do this job, so would it hurt to have done a little research? Even if he’d flicked on youtube and watched a Jonathan Ross interview with Pete he’d have gathered something.

I did enjoy Pete saying “You probably couldn’t name one song I’ve written if I asked you”.

To which Pat replied “Possibly not”.

A single song? Possibly not? You twat.

Almost more annoying was the fangirl in the audience shouting things out at Pete, like a right idiot. Pete even saying “she doesn’t mean that” after one particularly stupid interruption.

He played his upcoming single anyway, and did a good job of it.

So then we were told to wait outside, amongst the four paparazzi. These guys seemed like total wankers, we steered clear.

Again, when Pete came out, he was surrounded, by both his own security and paparazzi, but I managed to shake his hand and ask if I could get a photo, as I’d been queuing at Trinity College all day.

“Yeah go on then”.

Jackpot.

Got the photo, thanked him, and he said something like “Nice one, cheers”. Again, he didn’t have to stop for that photo, he was being forced into the car. He was very polite and calm, especially considering how frenzied everyone around him was.

So I got an autograph, handshake and photo, what more could I ask for?

A really great day, special thanks to Robin, without whom I wouldn’t have been able to go to RTE.

I’m wary of putting the photo up here, so have a look on my bebo/facebook if you want to see it. (It’s not hard to find my Bebo, I think there’s even a link lying around on this site somewhere).

There’s actually two photos of me with Pete, the second one has Robin straining to get himself in it and me looking like a deer caught in headlights - great photo!

There was four us in Trinity who knew each other only from PeteDohertyForum, the first decent website I ever really set up. It was pretty cool that we’d met because of the forum I made a long time ago (pictures will probably be on there too!).

Overall, I was not let down by Pete in the slightest. Meeting your heroes isn’t always going to be a disappointment it seems.

Edit : Forgot to put in two videos (both poor quality) that I got of Pete in Trinity. One is Robin asking him a question, and the other is Pete playing a bit of “Back From The Dead” in response to being asked what song he’s most proud of writing.

And here’s the Hot Press article, very good piece actually. Might give this magazine a go sometime.

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A Whole Month

Without alcohol. A whole freakin’ month.

They said it couldn’t be done. They said I’d be a fool to try.

“It can’t be done, Mark”, they said.

“You’d be a fool to try, Mark”, they said.

Well where are they now?

I’ve survived the whole of January without drinking at all. For a young college student, this is no mean feat. Also, let us pour shame and guilt on my friend who was supposed to be doing this challenge with me, but had a failure of epic proportions, giving in just after the halfway mark. This is for you :

In fairness, it was easier than I expected, but I did go out a lot less than usual. If I had to go out as often as I do when I am drinking, it would have been far more difficult.

Overall, glad I managed it.

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